Teaching baby twins how to get into a good sleep routine

If you are a parent of twins or triplets [or more] I don't need to tell you that one of the most difficult aspects of caring for more than one baby, is managing their sleep.

As even identical twins have totally different personalities, let alone, different birth experiences and health issues, it is absolutely common for one twin to be a good sleeper and the other one to be a real challenge.

I often receive requests for advice regarding twins' sleep, and the letter below is worth sharing here, as it is such a typical example of the challenges that parents of twins face.

The problem:
"I am a first time mother of twin girls which are 6 months old. They were born 5 weeks premature by C section and had no problems.
The problem I have now is with one of my twins. When she came home from hospital she only spent a few days in a Moses basket after that she would not sleep in it and it was easier for me to let her sleep with me on the sofa ( I know that was not a good idea but you do anything so that you all can get some sleep) then when she was strong enough to hold her head up we discovered that after a bit of screaming that she would sleep on her stomach in her own cot and also she slept through the night ( we were so happy at this breakthrough). Then about a month ago she decided to wake up during the night for a feed. I have read in magazines that say this is a sign that she needs to be weaned but we started to wean her at 4 months as she is such a hungry baby. She seems to be so restless at night and when she rolls on her back this is what wakes her as she can not fall to sleep on her back (I don't know why). She just seems so tired all day long. She does have an afternoon sleep but from when she has her tea at 3.30 she is very "moany" until bath time at 6.30. She can never fall asleep by herself she needs you to rock her or hold her. I can't understand why she can't fall asleep by herself I feel that every day is a fight with her and it is really getting me down now as I want to be able to enjoy my time with her.
Please can you help me?"

If you identify with this mum's difficulty, you might find some help in my response to her.

The Solution:

When your baby was very little and more fragile, she needed to be close to you. It is only natural that you kept her close by you to help her sleep. Now that she is bigger you need to encourage her to develop more independents sleep skills.

It is unlikely that she requires the night feed for nutritional purposes, as she is taking solids now, but feeding may be a way of settling herself back to sleep. Once you have checked that her weight gain is normal, you can safely drop this unnecessary feed.

Before you do this, however you should address the way in which she falls asleep at the beginning of the night. If you continue to rock her or hold her in your arms to settle her, then she will need to cry for you when, in the light phase of a sleep cycle, she wakes up during the night.

If possible, have the cots close together, so that you can give each baby equal attention as they settle. Bear in mind that your "good sleeping twin" is very likely to be kept awake by the poor sleeper at first. It is important to keep them together, however. This disruption is merely temporary and if you are able to stick with it, both of them will benefit in the end.

Tighten up your bedtime routine so that it becomes a very clear series of little sleep signals. After their bath and milk, you should place them both into their cots whilst they are clearly awake. Do this even if they seem to be quite lively. Sit between them and either tell a story or sing a song. In time, this verbal ritual will act as a sleep trigger [but not at first!] You need to stick to the same story or song each night until her settling skills have improved.

After the story, stay between the cots, patting and reassuring either or both babies until they are asleep. At this time in the evening, sleep will inevitably come, even if it takes a long time.

During the night there is nothing that you can do to prevent her rolling over and getting stuck. You have to go to her and help her into a comfortable position. This developmental phase is annoying but very short lived. Very soon now, she will be able to re position herself.

When you go to her when she wakes, you should try to settle her without a feed. If she really can't re settle, then offer her a smaller feed than usual or a diluted one and make sure that she is still awake when she goes back into her cot. She is very likely to cry, when put down awake, so once again, be prepared for your other baby to be disturbed.

If you are able to approach your baby's sleep problem in this way on the first night, you will find the subsequent nights will gradually become easier. Once she is comfortable falling asleep in her cot rather than in your arms you should leave the room as the babies settle to sleep. It may take two or three nights before you are able to do this.

During the night, if she continues to wake up you should continue to reduce the amount of milk until by the end of a week you are responding to any night waking by just patting her in her cot or offering a little water.

Once your baby is able to fall asleep at the beginning of the night with needing to be rocked or fed to the point of slumber, and when you have weaned her off her night feeds, she will sleep through the night.

Top 5 sleep tips for baby twins and triplets:
1. Especially in the early days, let them sleep close to each other.
2. Follow a highly familiar bedtime routine.
3. Always put them in their cot/s awake.
4. Do not allow fears of one disturbing the other lead you into a complicated night time scenario of "musical beds."
5. Help them to feel safe by your loving, confident and consistent manner.